Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
