I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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