just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
