just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
