According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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