So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
