so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
