looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
