I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
