then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
