Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
