Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
