somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
