I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
