I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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