so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
