When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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