hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
