i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
