He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
