i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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