You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
