In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
