i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
