I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize