How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
