So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
