After last night, I could never be a politician.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
