Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize