Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
