Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
