I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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