they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
