The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
