Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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