if i can run in heels then i can drive
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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