PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
