I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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