I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
