I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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