I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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