Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
