i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
