i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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