I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
