Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
