She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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