matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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