This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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