Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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