I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
