Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
