I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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