Pappa wants mamma naked
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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