You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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