I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
