We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
