I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
