Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
