woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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