Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
