how can u be prego again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
