It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am naked and annoyed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
