K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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