I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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