we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
