I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
